We are all Influencers in our own space

Last week, I attended the online InfluencerSummit, hosted by Brendon Burchard. It was an amazing online event with many of the top notch speakers ranging from Jay Shetty, to Jenna Kutcher, to two of BossBabes’ founders, Natalie Ellis and Danielle Canty.

Let me share the lesson I learnt from Jenna Kutcher, who helped me realize that I am an influencer in my own space, be it my family, friends or workers. Her mission: Being Enough – Own Your Enoughness and Help Others Feel Less Alone – speaks volume to me, as I struggle to feel good enough in my different roles, even writing in my own blog. This feeling of not “being enough” can isolate us as we don’t even feel worthy enough to seek help. This belief that we are indeed enough, is essential as we live out our different roles and follow where our dreams take us.

She encouraged us to find our Super Power, as she said, “We are way too close to our own genius”. What I find to do so easily and naturally, can be a challenging task to another person, and we say, “That’s not a Super Power!!”.  We are all geniuses in our own rights – it is a matter of recognizing and acknowledging our genius. The way to find out is to ask people close to us or who work and/or interact with us regularly. Another way to figure out is ask this question: what are you the go-to person for?

I suggest you remove the limited definition of an “influencer” as defined by social media and marketing industry – and be intentional as an influencer in your own space, knowing the value you can add to your community and creating an impact for positive change in the world.

5-Second Brain Hack Rule

Perhaps you have heard of the 3-second rule where you drop you food and you can still pick it up and eat it if it is within 3 seconds. Recently, I heard of the most interesting 5-Second Rule by Mel Robbins. It is a brain hack where you count down 5-4-3-2-1 to interrupt your habit loops and prompts you into action. Instead of hitting the alarm clock snooze button, you count down 5-4-3-2-1 and get out of bed! 

Basically, it is a fact that we are never going to feel like doing the things we should do (e.g. exercise), hence we need to stop waiting to feel like doing it. We need to determine what we want, and practically force ourselves to do it. Just like how our parents used to force us to our homework and do house chores, now we need to “parent”, or force, ourselves to do it. 

When you want to do something or have an interesting idea, act upon it within 5 seconds, before your brain hijacks you and talks you out of it. When you see someone interesting and want to talk to him/her, go over and say ‘Hi!’. If you think longer about it, you will most likely “chicken out”. When you think of exercising, quickly put on your proper gear and walk out, before you change your mind. When the alarm clock rings in the morning, count down 5-4-3-2-1 and get out of bed. Overcome your inertia or procrastination by this simple 5-second rule! Your daily battles come down to this 5-second decisions you make every day! You need to determine what you want, then do what you need to do to get what you want! Try this 5-Second Rule!!!

The time is now. Stop hitting the snooze button on your life.
– Mel Robbins –

Free Bagel vs Long Queue

Free Bagel

Simon Sinek told this interesting story: after a run, he wanted the free bagel but his friend didn’t want to wait at the long queue. He realised that some people see the thing that they want, and some people see that thing that prevents them from getting the thing that they want. Simon Sinek could see the free bagel but his friend could only see the long queue for the free bagel. It was so funny the way Simon Sinek repeatedly said, ‘Free Bagel?!’

How often we want something but we are usually prevented from getting it because we can only see the trouble or hassle in getting what we want. Even a simple thing like going out for a nice dinner, when we think of the traffic and parking, we may just opt to order GrabFood!

Let us focus on the thing we want, instead of the obstacles in its way. Think ‘Free Bagel!’. Once we focus on that, then we can find ways to get what we want – which was what Simon Sinek did, even without queueing up! As Simon Sinek mentioned, Life has a funny way of looking after you! 

Attitude of Gratitude

Attitude of Gratitude

Last month, I did a short talk to a small group of women on the Attitude of Gratitude. These are the three insights I shared:

  1. Being intentional in showing gratitude – show your gratitude with a token of appreciation if possible, or return a favour back – find the opportunity!
  2. Be specific with what you are thanking for, not just a general ‘Thanks!’ but be as specific as possible, e.g. thank you for taking care of my daughter when I was rushing with my work yesterday
  3. Being grateful gives me an opportunity to be a blessings to others – being grateful gives me the mindset of abundance and a willingness to share my resources and time.

Recently, a friend advised me that the best way to melt away my stress is to choose – gratitude! Write, write, write – write for what I am grateful for, write as much as possible! Then my mind has no time for stress, but it will be filled with joy, joy and more joy – through the gratitude and abundance in my life. What a wonderful advice to counter stress, and it works!

As I celebrate Malaysia’s 63rd National Day today, on 31st August 2020, I am truly grateful for the wonderful people and land of Malaysia, where I enjoy the most delicious Chinese, Malay, Indian, Asian, Western and fusion foods! We are a people of warm hospitality, generosity and compassion. And I shout with one voice with all Malaysians today, ‘Merdeka! Merdeka!‘. 

Direction Determines Destination

Intentional Living – Direction Determines Destination

In Andy Stanley’s podcast, The Beginner’s Guide to Predicting Your Future, he says that you have the ability to predict your future by paying attention to where you’re headed. It is your Direction, not Intention, that determines your Destination. Therefore, as we elevate to the next level in our lives, we need to make sure we are heading in the direction that we want to go.

We always have the intention to do many good things, like losing weight or changing to a better job,  but many times we find ourselves doing things in the opposite direction. We need to realize that the direction of our actions will ultimately determine where we end up, irregardless of our best intentions. That’s why Andy Stanley says that we can predict our future by paying attention to where we are headed.

Are our choices, decisions and actions leading us to where we want to go? If not, then it is time to change our direction to where we truly want to go.

Growth vs Goals

Growth vs Goals

I always love to set goals and strive to achieve them. Recently, I read something profound by John Maxwell that has given me a new perspective: instead of setting goals to achieve where I wanted to be, I should set the course for who I wanted to become. I realize that I should strive intentionally for my personal growth and not just setting goals year after year. And the growth is intended to be a better person of who I can become, i.e. the best version of me. To elevate to the next level of who I wanted to become.

My life began changing when I stopped setting goals for where I wanted to be and started setting the course for who I wanted to become. I have discovered that the key to personal development is being more growth oriented than goal oriented – John Maxwell.

This made so much sense when I revised my Vision Board, as it now shows me the vision of who I want to become.  It is not just a task-oriented, goal-setting exercise anymore, it is a vision of the best version of myself that I want to elevate to! 

For example, one of my vision of myself is being Debt-Free. I am using this example as I am currently facilitating for the Compass Course ‘Navigating Your Finances God’s Way’. Therefore, it is not just the task of clearing my debts, but to gain the financial freedom of being debt-free – the who I want to become. And in becoming debt-free, I am free to serve God wholeheartedly.

Test Your Limits

Intentional Living – Test Your Limits

Naturally, we live within the boundaries of our limits. However, there comes a time or an opportunity, that drags us out of our comfort zone and our perceived limits, to lead us into the wild unknown.

The only way to test your limits is to push beyond your limits – that’s how you will find out your limits! During this Covid situation, we are all pushed out of our comfort zone into a new norm of lockdowns, social distancing and strict hygiene. We have to accept our new norms and move forward. We have to stretch our limits in terms of how our business and cash flow have been affected, how we work and travel, even how we eat!

For those in traditional brick-and-mortar business or in the service industry, it is a great challenge to diversify and/or move online to digital eCommerce if possible. It is an opportunity to test our agility and adaptability, and to come out stronger than before.

To dream anything that you want to dream. That is the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do.That is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself to test your limits. That is the courage to succeed. – Bernard Edmonds.

Start Small

Intentional Living – Start Small

For any venture or project, it is important to start small. Why? Because it is more achievable than attempting a huge project! And the important part is START! Follow Nike’s famous slogan – Just Do It!

Also, it allows you to have mini-experiments to test what works and what doesn’t, and tweak it along the way, making it better through feedback and evaluation. When I first started my blog, what I shared were quite random thoughts, or books that I have read. This year, I started this “Intentional Living” series, which is what I am focusing on for the first half of the year. Then I will figure out what I want to do next for the second half of 2020!

As we encounter this global pandemic of Covid-19 in the world, it is even more important to plan and act fast, to be agile and be adaptable in the new norm. Explore new ventures and possibilities, start something to test it out, get feedback and keep on improving it. If it doesn’t quite work out, then modify it, or explore the next idea. Be positive and make it adventurous and exciting!

Dream Big. Start Small. But most of all, Start – Simon Sinek.

Setting Power Goals

Intentional Living – Setting Power Goals

All talk is worthless without any Action Plan. The best place to start is setting your Power Goals. Determine 8-10 areas of your life that you want to set powerful goals in your life, e.g. health, finances, business, family, relationships, spiritual, personal development, recreational and lifestyle. For each Power Goals, know your WHY or reason, what are the benefits you will gain, the choices you have to make, and how are you going to execute your plan. For example:

    • Power Goal – I have a healthy weight by shedding 5KG
    • Why: I want to lose weight and belly fat
    • Benefit: To have strong heart and fit body, and able to wear nice clothes
    • Choices: do intermittent fasting and daily exercise, have at least 7 hours sleep and healthy eating habits
    • Execution: to eat 2 meals a day, start the day with morning exercise, sleep before midnight, eat nutritious and variety of foods, cook at home

Doing it this way, you are recognizing your reason and benefit of doing it, and making the decisions to take action to achieve your goals.

With definite goals, you release your own power, and things start happening – Zig Ziglar.

Vision Board

Intentional Living – Vision Board

Using Vision Board is an effective way to achieve your power goals. In this video, Jack Canfield explain how to use this powerful visualization tool to tap into your mind and make it work for you. 

You can make one for the whole year, and another one every month to keep you on track, which is what I do. For my monthly Vision Board, I put down what I want to achieve for that month, based on the Power Goals I have set for the year. Breaking down your power goals into smaller monthly goals make it more achievable and/or doable, and helps you see your progress towards your goals. Remember to celebrate your achievements every month, even if it is pat on your back, as you become a more courageous and stronger person. 

What you get from achieving your goals is not as important as by what you become by achieving your goals – Zig Ziglar

Surpass Your Limits

Intentional Living – Surpass Your Limits

Currently, I am watching an Anime called ‘Black Clover‘. Whenever the underdog Black Bull Squad confronts their enemies, their Captain Yami would shout at them to surpass their limits!

Most of our limits are self-imposed by our beliefs system. Based on past experience and our upbringing and support system, we develop our belief system that consciously and subconsciously tells us what we can do and what we can’t do. When we recognize that our belief system is holding us back, then it is time to revamp our belief system and surpass our limits.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said: Do one thing everyday that scares you. Isn’t that a great challenge to overcome your fear and limiting beliefs?

A warrior doesn’t repeat himself. Surpass your limits. This is the path to you realizing your dreams – Yami Sukehiro (Black Clover).

Your Game Plan

Your Game Plan

What is your game plan in life? Do you play not to lose, or do you play to win? Many people, who have reached a certain level of success in their lives, default to living life with the game plan of play not to lose. As long as I am not losing, I am fine; why rock the boat? Similar to the mentality – if it ain’t broken, don’t fix it!

Playing to win is a different mentality, whereby you are determine to seize any opportunities to win. You take on the challenges, you take on the risks, because you want to win!

If you have been drifting through most of your life, it’s most likely you are playing not to lose. However, if you want to succeed in life, or go to the next level in your life, it is time to change to a new game plan of Play To Win! Or at lest, be in the winning team, or with people who wants you to win in life.

Find the game where you can win, and commit your life to playing it; and play to win.

Robert Kiyosaki

Uniquely YOU

Most of us have traits from our parents, some even from grandparents or uncles or aunties. Nevertheless, we are totally unique, even with twins. We want to constantly fit into society or groups of people, thinking that it will help us belong there. The problem is when we lose our identify or our values trying to fit in.

The beauty of our uniqueness has become cliche and lost its meaning. We are meant to be born in this time, in our family, in our country. There is no mistake, no accidents. Each person in our family help each family member to be who they are. They make us who we are. The people who support, encourage, love and inspire us; as well as the ones who annoy, irritate, scold, humiliate, shame, and even abuse us; they make us who we are today. Like it or not, your past experiences, and the people in your past – they uniquely make you who you are today.

In the concept of Kintsugi in Japan, broken objects are often repaired with gold. The flaw is seen as a unique piece of the object’s history, which adds to its beauty. The transformation from brokenness to beauty, is made possible when we recognize our past hurts and experiences – turn them into powerful life’s lessons – to strengthen us and make us compassionate beings. Then we become unique masterpieces of ourselves.

Dare to be YOU

Dare to be YOU

Who are you? Such a simple question, but I bet many people would find it quite a challenge to answer this question succinctly. Do you identify yourself with your name, job/business, your roles, your strength and weakness, your personality, etc?

I believe we are all Children of God, or the universe if you prefer. We are created to serve our purposes with our lives. Many people have found their purposes in their calling or ministries, businesses or projects, many more have found in their families, raising their children for the next generation. We are always being prepared for the next phase as we progress in life, though they are some who are stuck in the same phase as they refuse to learn the lesson to proceed to the next phase, or they are too comfortable where they are.

Then they are the chosen few – who seek out and establish the boldest version of themselves – just to fulfil their true purpose, in humility and in gratitude. As we weather through the global storm of the Covid pandemic, let us take this time to search deep within us for the answers waiting in our hearts for the question: Who Are You? Then Dare to be YOU.

Forgive Thyself

As we “rebuild” who we are, one of the tasks most needed is to set your house in order. Just like we do spring-cleaning for our house, we also need to do spring-cleaning for our hearts as well. For me, that means Love and Forgiveness. 

Unforgiveness is the prison you lock the person who has hurt you with your justification and pain, not realizing the person you have imprisoned is actually – yourself! You shake angrily at the prison bars of the person who has hurt you, not knowing if the other person is even aware of the pain he/she had caused you. The bad news is that when you look around, you find that the prison bars are actually around you!

The good news is that you hold the key to unlock this prison of unforgiveness. If you find it so hard to forgive, remember how Jesus had forgiven Peter, and all those who had persecuted and killed Him. If you can’t relate to that, imagine yourself rotting in this prison while the other person is free (and maybe happily oblivious?). Do you still want to imprison yourself and deny your own freedom and blessings? For how can you receive any blessings when you have locked yourself in this prison of unforgiveness?

Other than forgiving others, more importantly, love yourself by forgiving yourself. Forgive yourself for past failures, disappointments and regrets. Move forward with love and kindness in your heart.

Changing My Mindset

One of the turning point in my life is when I started to change my mindset of scarcity to Abundance. I used to worry a lot, especially about money, and I ended up strapped in credit cards debt for a few years, partly due to overspending on my house renovation. The stress took a heavy toll on my mental health, and finally I was determined to change my mindset, and to trust God to get me out of my credit card debt. He not only got me out of my credit card debt, but showed me what an Abundant God He is!

Related to this Abundance mindset, is the Attitude of Gratitude – being grateful for the things I have and stop complaining about the things I don’t have. Lo and behold, I found that I have so much more to be grateful for!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves: who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are we not to be?

Marianne Williamson

Climb Your Mountains

Scientist have established that we are only using a small percentage of estimated 5% of our mind, and we have 95% of our subconscious mind controlling our underlying thoughts and behaviours. Not many people realize our subconscious mind is very powerful and subtle, and they mostly form our Limiting Beliefs that many times sabotage our successes.

You need to ‘Climb Your Mountains’ of Limiting Beliefs in your  life that is holding you back, for examples:

    • Money is evil / Money will bring unhappiness or stress
    • No one will love the “real me”
    • I will be rejected or betrayed if I fall in love again
    • I can’t trust anyone / I can’t be trusted anymore
    • I am too old / young or not good enough
    • I don’t have enough time / experience / skill
    • I am comfortable enough / I don’t want to rock the boat
    • Why pursue a dream that is destined to fail?
  • E.g. If you want to be rich, but on the other hand, have a limiting belief about the evil of money and you scorn on filthy rich people – this limiting belief will end up sabotaging your struggling efforts to become rich.

  • There are no limits on what you can achieve in your life, except for the limits you accept in your own mind. – Brian Tracy

Our Values as Building Blocks

As we walk from our crossroads, our next step is to rebuild our identity of who we are. Specifically, we need to identify the voices in our head or the stories we tell ourselves, be it positive or negative voices.  We are always justifying what we want, especially when we need an excuse to do something we want that may not be in our best interest in the long term, for example, over-eating in a buffet as you want to make your money’s worth!

It is essentially our values that are the building blocks of our identity. Whether we list them out or not, our values are the underlying factors that determine our choices and decision making. Your values make you who you are! 

Hence, it is important to find out your values, write them down, and evaluate if you are living your life in congruence with your values, or just drifting with wherever the wind blows and doing whatever your family/friends even society think you should be doing.

Congruence is speaking and acting on the things that honor who you are. – Live Your Legend