I am currently reading Gretchen Rubin’s book called ‘Better Than Before – Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives’. In the book, she started with knowing yourself by your tendency, which she identified below:
1. UPHOLDERS respond readily to both outer and inner expectations
2. QUESTIONERS question all expectations, and will meet an expectation only if they believe it's justified
3. OBLIGERS respond readily to outer expectations but struggle to meet inner expectations
4. REBELS resist all expectations, outer and inner
Wow! I realize I am an Obliger – I am habitually doing things for people and what I believe they expect from me, and more. But I lack the same conviction to keep the promises I made to myself.
Obligers often dislike their tendency. They’re vexed by the fact that they can meet others’ expectations, but not their expectations for themselves
I was screaming in my head, YES! This is so true! I am totally frustrated when I fail to meet my own expectations.
The happiest and most successful people are those who have figured out ways to exploit their tendency to their benefit and just as important, found ways to counterbalance its limitations
This is what I have learnt and my actions taken so far:
- I need external expectation to push me – that’s why I had publicly announced in my blog that I would post every Monday – and this has worked well starting this year 2024
- I need an accountability partner – and I found one who keeps me accountable for my weekly blog posts and even give me great feedback on my posts
- I need to do scheduling – I have setup an paid app called NotePlan and I am starting to do time blocking for my projects and daily tasks
- I need to abstain from social media on my phone – after many failed attempts to curb my social media scrolling, I finally deleted both Facebook and Instagram apps on my phone last week (I can still access them through their websites but not so convenient)
Finding out my Obliger tendency has opened my eyes to understand why I fail badly without external expectations and how I can overcome it. I am glad that I am working toward becoming ‘Better Than Before’. Do check out the book and find out which tendency you are!