I was intrigued by this idea by Johann Hari, in his TED Talk, ‘Everything you think you know about addiction’.
The opposite of addiction is not sobriety.
The opposite of addiction is connection.
- Johann Hari, TED Global London, June 2015
He talked about the experiment done on rats in empty cages, with two bottles of water, one plain water and the other drug water. The rat always chose the drug water and eventually died. A Professor Alexander changed the environment to a Rat Park, where the rats were well fed and played with other rats. They almost never touched the drug water, and lived happily ever after. And he asked the question: What if addiction is an adaptation to your environment?
Another professor wanted to call it bonding instead of addiction. We are created to bond with each other. If we’re unable to bond with people, due to trauma or other issues, we might bond with things like drugs, pornography, gambling, social media, etc.
Social media feels like connection, right? Maybe some of us connected to childhood friends through Facebook. We feel connected to our friends as we watch what’s happening in their lives through social media. Yet, I’ve read that our current society is more lonely than ever before! Social media can never replace the real connection of meeting face-to-face with conversations and laughter (or tears) over a meal. Social media can’t replace the deep connection which is fostered as we see our friends weather through the storms in their lives.
We’ve got bonds and connections that you want to be present for. You’ve got work you love. You’ve got people you love. You’ve got healthy relationships. And a core part of addiction, I came to think, and I believe the evidence suggests, is about not being able to bear to be present in your life.
- Johann Hari, TED Global London, June 2015
The connection we long for – in whatever we are addicted to, be it social media or drugs – is the connection of love and acceptance. We seek that connection of one human being with another, in a safe and loving relationship. Let us create a world of real connection and deep bonding of caring and loving unconditionally, and of supporting each other in our struggles.