Category: My Thoughts

When your overthinking gets in the way of what you want

Do you tend to overthink?

Are you your worse critic?

Does your overthinking “speaks” so loud that it gets in your way?

When I saw the title of the podcast – “The Surprising Solution to Overthinking”, I didn’t think twice to listen to it! It was Andy Stanley’s interview with Jon Acuff on his book, “Soundtracks: The Surprising Solution to Overthinking”. He chose the title to depict how a soundtrack can change the entire emotional feel of a movie without changing the movie. Similarly, our thoughts can change how we feel without changing the circumstances we are facing.

Jon Acuff defines overthinking this way: when what you think gets in the way of what you want. When thoughts get in the way of what you desire, and it turns into bitterness and haunts you.

This overthinking habit tends to stop you taking action, leading to undesired results of not achieving your hopes and dreams. You can hear the same “soundtrack” when you encounter the same circumstance. For example, when you want to lose weight, your soundtrack constantly reminds you of how many times you’ve failed.

This is the Trojan Questions that Jon Acuff suggested in his book:

1. Is it true?

2. Is it helpful?

3. Is it kind?

These three simple questions help us to seek truth and clarity in our thoughts. Many times, our thoughts are assumptions of what other people think, or scripts that we have narrated from our childhood, e.g. I am bad with numbers or I am not bright. Next, we need to find out if these thoughts are helpful to what we want to achieve. Lastly, we have to be gentle to ourselves and not let our thoughts overwhelm us and keep us in an infinite loop of self-sabotage. I think the last question is the hardest to answer.

This is my invitation to you today – be aware of the soundtracks that are playing in the movie of your life. Let the soundtrack be a crescendo of courage and excitement as you reach for your hopes and dreams.

A Journey of HOPE – Sharing My New Book

Is your tendency to be HOPEful or doubtful?

Do you believe HOPE is wishful and based on fantasy?

Or is HOPE something you are confident of?

Hope is sometimes a double-edged sword. Hope gives us something to aspire to, to look forward to and to cling onto. But when we lose hope, it is a desperate situation that can lead to despair. When Hope is based on what we want, but we are not in control of the situation, then the feeling of hope can easily turn into feelings of anxiety and uncertainty. On the other hand, when Hope is based on a sovereign God, we can trust Him to make all things good, according to His plan.

This year, I decided to write my third book based on HOPE – Living in Humility, Obedience, Power and Endurance. It is a small book with four main chapters on Humility, Obedience, Power and Endurance – each chapter consist of a story from the Bible, a personal story, ending with practical applications – to bring Hope to a world which longs for something unshakable and unbreakable.

It has been a journey of reflecting on my Hope which relies on a sovereign God, a Hope that is based on WHO HE IS – a loving, compassionate and faithful God. I realise that a hope based on my effort and status will always fall short. A hope based on how I feel will always be wavering and unstable. A hope based on circumstances out of my control will result in anxiety and uncertainty. Through my many trials and tribulations, I found only one Hope beats them all – that is the confident divine Hope of a faithful God who never fails us.

I am thrilled to announce that I have published my HOPE book on Amazon Kindle today. Another thing you can shop for on this 11.11 day sale!!!

This is my invitation to you today – to place your Hope in a God who is ever loving, full of compassion and always faithful. He is always with us, and never abandon us in our time of need. He has great plan to grow us in strength and maturity, and for us to live a full and abundant life.

5 Cs to Accelerate Your Life

What has changed or improved in the past year?

What do you want to do with the rest of your life?

What are the dreams that you want to pursue?

Recently, I watched Terri Saville-Foy’s video on her talk in a Christian conference on the 5 Keys to Acceleration – Clarity, Confession, Continual Growth, Constant Gratitude, and Consistent Giving. This is my take on it.

  1. CLARITY – Be crystal clear on what God has called me to do or to be, and pursue my divine dreams courageously and with clear purpose
  2. CONFESSION – speak out loud my words, declare my vision and goals, and daily affirm God’s promises in spoken words
  3. CONTINUAL GROWTH – make it a continuous life-long journey of learning and growing till the day I die, and seek God’s wisdom
  4. CONSTANT GRATITUDE – give thanks to God for His countless blessings, and for the adversities that has pushed me closer to Him. And also, thank God in advance for His abundant blessings coming my way
  5. CONSISTENT GIVING – sow wherever and whenever there is a need. You will reap what you sow, and much more than you sow. Finance is one of the ways God tests our faith – He has been faithful and always shown His abundant blessings to me – without fail – even though there were many times when I still worry about it.

I would describe myself as a “thinker”, even an “over-thinker”. But I suspect that thinking so much has not given me that great a clarify – until I write it down. So I always write things down, to the extent that a friend called me as a “scriber”! Now, I am levelling up to – speaking out my words. Yes, I have started speaking out loud my prayers and Bible verses while driving alone in the car. In fact, I am reading out loud this blog post now!

This is my invitation to you today – seek clarity and write it down, confess your words to change your life, keep learning, always be grateful and give generously. Do not waste your precious time – accelerate your life and achieve the dream life that God has already planned for you.

The Success Habit of Keeping Your Promises

Do you say one thing but do another?

Do you find excuses not to do what you said you would?

Do you still keep on making the same promises and breaking them?

I was watching an Instagram reel and this guy was saying that this is THE ONE habit that you must keep if you want to succeed in your life – do what said you would do. So simple, yet so profound! It hit me hard as I have developed the bad habit of putting off the things I said I would do, and often breaking the promises I have made to myself.

I realize that it doesn’t matter what productivity hack I have discover, or new insights I have gained, or new skills/talents I have developed – if I don’t keep the promises I made to myself and to do the things I said I would do. For example, every night, I say I want to sleep early. Guess what – I always end up losing track of my time scrolling through social media, and sleeping way later than I should!

This is what I figure I must do:

  1. Write it Down – put pen to paper, or type it on your gadget – and more importantly, write down why it is important to do it
  2. Prepare an Action Plan – determine what are the tasks involved, how long it is estimated to take or deadlines, and sometimes, the people involved
  3. Get an Accountability Partner – to keep you accountable for your actions – for me, this works like magic!
  4. Celebrate all the small wins – each celebration triggers the brain to want to do more of it – it is a dopamine reward to keep up your momentum

I know that when I keep the promises I made to myself, my trustworthiness and self-esteem increases. I feel more confident to take up more challenges in the future, because I can trust myself to do the things I said I would do.

This is my invitation to you: start keeping small promises to yourself and celebrate each small win. Build on this habit and keep on levelling up.

Taking Responsibility for the Voices in Your Head

Do you hear voices in your head?

Oh no! I don’t mean those kind of voices!

I mean, the voices in your head that always convince you that you’re not good enough? Or that you deserve another slice of cake? Or to purchase the limited or exclusive offer? Or convince you to just have a few more minutes of social media scrolling, you know, just five more minutes?!!

There are thousands of thoughts in our heads every waking hour of our days. We hear them endlessly. Some are helpful in making decisions big and small, sometimes they are insights that lit up in our head, sometimes they are just random thoughts, but most of the time, they are just circular thoughts that goes round and round, causing us to worry and fill us with anxiety.

Most of our lives, we are not conscious of the countless thoughts that traffic our mind. Yes, they do cause traffic congestion oftentimes. What I want to propose today is: capture your thoughts, be aware of the positive and negative voices that are influencing your thoughts and subsequently your mood and behaviour, and proactively choose the voices that will be “dominant” in your mind.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ – 2 Corinthians 10:5

In our current world, we are constantly bombarded by news and social media. We are easily influenced by the secular values of materialism and consumerism. The traditional values of integrity, honesty, kind consideration, reverence and decorum are not in the trending list. It is an uphill struggle listening to the voice of God in the deluge of worldly messages and images, reels, stories and posts.

When someone whispers something, we need to lean in to hear what he is saying. Similarly, in the midst of all the noise in the world, we need to be still and to lean in to God to hear the soft whisper of the Holy Spirit.

Today, I invite you to be still and lean in to God. Then make it a daily practice. Let the voice of the Holy One be the dominant voice in your life and see how your life transform.

Focus On Things that Only You Can Do

Out of the hundreds of things you do daily, what are the things that only you can do? Out of the many roles you play in your life, what are the roles that are unique to you? What are the things that only you can do?

In our lives, we do so many things for so many people, all the time. What we don’t realize is that there are very few roles that are uniquely ours. One of which is our parenting role, if we are a parent. That’s why it is so important that we spend time with our kids and nurture a close relationship with them. I know that my daughters have been my biggest motivation to change to be a better person, and overcoming my character flaws. I wanted to be a good role model for them. They are truly my greatest blessings in my life!

They are many other roles and tasks we have in our lives. What I want to drive home today is that there are certainly a few things that only we can do in our unique roles. That is where we should focus our time and energy, and let go of things that can be done by others. This is true at work where we sometimes want to do everything ourselves, although some of the work can be done by someone else or gotten rid of. That’s why AI is gaining momentum, as it can take over some of our mundane tasks, allowing us to focus on what we, only as humans, can do. AI is derived from intelligence, human outdo AI with our wisdom and rich emotional and spiritual life.

Our past and varied life experiences, our skills and talents, our style and personality, our character – this unique combination – defines who we are and gives us unique roles and tasks that only we can do. Seek out what they are and focus on them wholeheartedly. Also, focus on relationships that you have a special role in and treasure them.

Find your voice, your story, your song, your book, your compelling truth, your beauty, your heart, your soul – and share it with your family, friends, communities, and even to the world!

Write the Story of Your Life

Do you like telling stories that inspire others?

Do you like listening stories that moves you?

Do you have stories to share that can impact others?

These were some of the questions that came to my mind as I attended a 3-day bootcamp in Singapore called “Get Paid To Speak”, by Eric Feng. I was very touched and enraptured by the stories that so many shared on stage during the three days. It reminds me that our life consists of a series of stories – the mundane and the extraordinary, the joy and sorrow, the high and low – all lived out daily.

The most touching stories were those borne out of tragic, sorrow or suffering. But it was also the most awe inspiring ones. They were shared courageously and authentically, the ones that can be described as “from ashes to beauty”. It is through courage and resilience that we bounced back from enormous setbacks or weather through the storms of our grief and sorrow. That’s why it is so important to never give up when we are in the midst of great pain, sorrow, or turmoil.

We all have many stories to share – some have great stories to share.

Stories that can change the world around them.

Stories that can inspire change in people.

Stories that can make us reach deep within ourselves.

Most of us think that stories are what we tell others. Let me tell you: we can create stories for our life. Imagine our life as a book, we are the author and we can write our stories. We can proactively write our dreams and hopes for our life. Our life is not just what happen to us – we can take control of our life and live it intentionally, pursuing our dreams and achieving our successes, according to our own terms. Our stories are ours to create. Don’t let others dictate our stories. Even if our stories were to be strewn with rocks and hailstorms, we can still dream of a beautiful rainbow glowing across the vast sky.

You are the Author of your Life. Write your story and make it Amazing!

Dig Deeper by Asking WHY 5x

I completed Andy Stanley and Lane Jones’ book, Communicating For A Change, within 3 days. I have been listening to Andy Stanley’s podcasts for many years. I love the way he is able to clearly convey the message simply and to the point. And he loves to make the words rhyme or have fancy acronyms.

This got me reflecting on the reasons I am writing my blog. These past years, I have chosen random topics from books I read, videos I watched, or insights I have gained. Things that interests me, things that could help and inspire others, things that I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to share.

Today, I want to dig deeper into the WHYs I write my blog weekly:

  1. WHY? I want to help people get out of the cycle of daily grind and mundane living, to living an Intentional Life of Greatness and Abundance
  2. WHY? Because I truly believe that I have been created for MORE. It’s just that I have been comfortable for too long, and I dread getting out of my comfort zone
  3. WHY? Because when I do things out of my comfort zone, I garner the courage to explore new things and have an opportunity to elevate to a higher level, even if it might be strewn with failures along the way
  4. WHY? Because failures can teach me new life lessons, strengthen my character and build my resilience
  5. WHY? Because I am truly grateful for the many blessings in my life, and I am honoured for having this platform to share my insights which I hope can help and inspire others

This is my journey from daily grind to Blessed Abundance, more importantly, From Ordinary To Extraordinary. And my invitation to you to join me on this amazing journey to become Extraordinary!

Each of us can achieve extraordinary in our own terms, when we overcome our own struggles and challenges, and elevate to become the best version of ourselves. If you believe that you are created for more, then have this pursuit of an extraordinary life. Don’t settle for ordinary. Go for extraordinary! Imagine what our families, communities and corporations could be, if all of us elevate from ordinary to be extraordinary!!! And what a legacy we will leave for our future generations.

Let’s march on: From Ordinary To Extraordinary!

Pursue Your Dream To Overcome Weariness

Recently, I read a YouVersion devotional by Rick Warren called “Daring Faith”. He said that our number one problem is not worry or fear or guilt, but weariness. Weariness is so normal that I didn’t really see it as a big problem.

Upon deeper reflection, I realise that it IS a big problem. It is not okay to be constantly tired. As I reflected, I realise that there are different types of weariness and suggestions to overcome it:

Type Description Overcoming Weariness
Body Physical over-exertion; Lack of sleep or proper nutrition; Have more quality sleep, eat well, exercise or play sports, add movement, or dance
Mind Overuse of mental power without proper break; Non-stop scrolling of news or social media; Incessant worrying; Procrastination Take regular breaks at work, reduce news and social media consumption, read jokes or watch comedy, overcome procrastination, take (small) actions, have growth mindset
Soul Lack of community support; Lack of real connection with family and friends Build supportive community; Reach out to people and help others in need; Go out to nature; Read good book; Practice self-care
Spirit Feeling distance from God; feeling alone and isolated and abandoned Pray; Forgive; Daily devotions, Read the Bible; Listen to Christian music; Practice meditation; Journaling
Types of Weariness

Our body, mind, soul and spirit are interconnected – the weariness spills over from one to the other, e.g. from the mind to the body. As I thought about it, something occurred to me: one of the best way to overcome weariness is to PURSUE YOUR DREAM!

Dream and how it will overcome your weariness
Spirit Seek God’s will to reveal the dream He has put inside your heart
Soul Connect within yourself to seek the passion and the dream that has kept you restless – seek until you become excited and scared at the same time
Mind Generate ideas, think of solutions, plan and organise to achieve your dream, monitor and review your plan, overcome negative self-talk and believe in yourself
Body Do the physical things required, let your body be energised
Pursue Your DREAM

This revelation is so thrilling to me! Most of the time, we are weary due to lack of purpose or passion. Pursuing a dream gives us the impetus to overcome this weariness – energising and making us excited for God’s plan for us, and giving us renewed Hope!

Being Busy without Being Hurried

In Jordan Raynor’s book, Redeeming Your Time, he devoted one chapter on ‘Eliminate All Hurry’. He mentioned about Fred Roger as a busy man, but remarkably unhurried. I wonder how I could be like that too…

Being hurried is an inner condition of the soul. It means to be so preoccupied with myself and my life that I am unable to be fully present with God, with myself, and with other people. I am unable to occupy this present moment – Jordan Raynor

I find that I’m always in a hurry. Many days, I am rushing from one thing to the next. I realized that I am guilty of this inner condition of the soul that is too preoccupied with too many things most of the time. I find it a challenge to be fully present with God, even during my devotional time.

In Jesus lifetime, he was always busy with his work and always focused on His mission here on earth. However, He was never in a hurry. There is a story of Jesus entering Jerusalem one evening, but went to Bethany as it was late already. The next day, he overthrew the den of robbers in the Jerusalem temple. The fact was that He was there the night before and could have overthrew the robbers then, but did not. Jesus refused to be hurried. In other words – it can wait – there is no hurry, there is a time for everything.

This is something I really need to work on in my life – to stop being in a hurried state. To be busy without being hurry – to focus on the important things in my life and get rid of things that does not bring value to my life, as these are the things that are causing the rushing and hurrying in my life. Be more like Jesus! Trust that everything will work out perfectly in His timing.

Being Grateful with the Bronze Medal Mentality

Last week, I was listening to Mel Robbins’ podcast on the Olympics. One of the topic she touched on was the Bronze Medal Mentality. Based on studies, the bronze medalists were actually happier than the silver medalists. The reason is that the silver medalist would compare with the gold medalist – filled with regrets of all the what-ifs, as he/she had fallen short of obtaining the gold medal. This is especially acute if the difference between the gold and silver medal was by a few seconds or milliseconds!

The bronze medalist, on the other hand, is just thrilled to be on the podium, receiving a medal. Sometimes, this is a chance in a lifetime, for example, at the Olympic Games. Bringing back a medal for your country is such an honour. Standing there on the podium – that is truly a privilege, compared to those who did not make it to the podium.

The problem with most silver medalist is the comparison upwards with the gold medalist, and the subsequent regrets. That happens to most people – we compare our jobs or business, our cars or houses – and find that we fall short of other people who are better off than us, resulting in envy and jealousy. This is true even when we have so much in our lives already. This is most rampant in social media, where people show the highlights of their lives, e.g. their overseas vacation or grand birthday celebration, and we feel we are missing out on these things that we think we should have.

This Bronze Medal Mentality highlights the gratefulness I should have for the many blessings in my life, rather than comparing what others have that I don’t have. What I have IS more than enough. A medal signifies my achievement – how far I’ve come and how hard I’ve worked to get to where I am today. A bronze medal motivates me to reach for a higher level of achievement. There is more room for improvement and advancement. Always be grateful with what I have achieved and aim higher and bigger next time! I am reminding myself to celebrate all the small wins, yes, the bronze medals, and the major wins will come when I receive my gold medals in life!

From Coward to Mighty Warrior

Gideon is one of my favourite Bible story. He was chosen by God to save the Israelites from their enemies who oppressed them cruelly. Let me share the many insights from his story.

The Angel of the Lord visited Gideon while he was threshing wheat in a winepress to keep it from the Midianites. They were so afraid of their enemies that he had to resort to hiding in the winepress while threshing wheat.

Insight: Too often, we live cowardly out of fear. But God comes to us in our current situation, and seeks us out to do His Kingdom work.

The Angel greeted Gideon, calling him MIGHTY MAN OF VALOR. But Gideon was very doubtful as his clan was the weakest and he was the least in his family.

Insight: We sometimes feel unworthy. But God is able to see what we are capable of, and calls us by a new name, so that we have a new identity. Gideon became a Man of Valor, A Mighty Warrior!

Gideon asked for a sign that the Angel was from God.

Insight: We are always testing God for a sign, and God sometimes shows us.

Gideon built God’s altar and tore down Baal’s altar. He did it at night because

he was afraid of his family and the townspeople.

Insight: We have many forms of idols in our lives. God is calling us to get rid of our idols and live boldly in God’s light and truth.

Gideon got more than 30,000 men to fight, but God reduced it to 300 men.

Insight: We tend to rely on our power and ability to achieve our successes, that’s why God wants to show His might through achieving something impossible, yes, something that only God can do!

God asked Gideon to bring his servant to the enemy camp and they overheard the enemy’s dream and its interpretation.

Insight: God sends people to help us and sometimes journey with us. He is the source of our confident hope. He grant us courage and strength in the midst of our battles or trials.

Gideon led his people to defeat their enemies.

Insight: When God is with us – we can do great things – indeed, we can do impossible conquests through God’s almighty power.

I hope that you are as inspired as I am with Gideon’s story.

When Prayer is like Making A Stew

One of my favourite dish is good beef stew. The beef is tender and flavourful, tasty and nutritious. It takes quite a lot of ingredients, and perhaps a few hours to cook a really good stew.

Why I am talking about beef stew? Because it reminds me of PRAYER.

Prayer is like cooking a stew:

1) Select the ingredients – God chooses us and prepares the family and friends for us, in accordance to His plan

2) Wash the ingredients – God cleanses us from our sin

3) Prepare the ingredients – God prepares us in many ways, like “cut”, “shred”, “chop” or “slice” – those who has gone through tribulations would relate to these preparations

4) Follow the recipe steps to cook the ingredients – God shows us the steps to have a blessed life

5) Cover and simmer for a few hours – waiting on the Lord to work His miracles in our lives

Sometimes, we don’t follow the recipe or we leave out an ingredient or two, resulting in disaster. But our Master Chef God is always able to recover from our mistakes and make a delicious dish. Sometimes, He even create a brand new, even more delicious dish! There is nothing He can’t recover from. He is the God of Master Chef!

The most important part is the simmering, where the full flavour of the ingredients is extracted to give its wonderful taste and nutritious value. And that is why it is so important to wait on the Lord as He brings out our best qualities and bless us abundantly.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us – Ephesians 3:20

When we become impatient and try to “shortcut” God, we ruin God’s wonderful plan for us. Do not be deceived when you see nothing happening during our “simmering”, for this is the time where the best work is being done by God as He grows our character and extract our full potential to do great works for His kingdom.

If you are in a season of waiting – like I am – trust that God is working in our lives in wondrous ways.

Taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!

  • Psalm 34:8

Wax On, Wax Off – Trust in the Process

This famous saying, “Wax on, wax off” was based on the 1984 Karate Kid movie, where Miyagi-san was teaching Daniel-san karate through waxing the car, washing the floor, and painting the fence. Miyagi-san’s part was to teach, and Daniel-san’s part was to learn, without question. And while doing it, “Breath – don’t forget to breath, very important!”, reminded Miyagi-san.

Daniel-san grew impatient and became suspicious that Miyagi-san was using him for child labour. He wanted to quit because he didn’t see the result that he wanted and the way he expected it. Later he realised that the unusual training from Miyagi-san formed the strong foundation of his karate training, even though he couldn’t see it at first.

It is very similar in our lives. We see so many things we need to do, and sometimes we do them willingly or obligingly or grudgingly; other times, we quit. Sometimes, in our young foolish mind, we don’t see the benefit of studying hard for a good education. In our work, we don’t see that our jobs are stepping stones to a higher career path. In our health, we don’t see how our eating and sleeping habits greatly affect our health, until one or two decades later. We prefer instant results.

In our faith, we don’t see the hand of God working in our lives for our good, especially when we are going thought terrible trials. We don’t realise that God takes our failures and turn them into something good. A blessing in disguise. Many times, God uses our pain to grow us to be more compassionate and to help others in need.

When Miyagi-san instructed Daniel-san to practice without questioning, he is asking Daniel-san to trust him. Similarly, God is asking us to put our trust in Him. When Miyagi-san reminded Daniel-san to breathe, God is reminding us to pray.

Just as Daniel-san couldn’t see the purpose of doing the wax on and wax off – we don’t always see God’s hand in the mundane or tragic events in our lives. Only in trusting God that we can eventually see God’s amazing plan when He reveals it to us.

So, continue to wax on, wax off!!! Have fun and enjoy the process!

Planting A Garden of Dreams

Once I have overcome my fear of dreaming, I found that having and pursuing my dreams are definitely scary and yet so exciting. Since starting my blog in 2019 then publishing my journals in 2022 and then in Amazon Kindle in 2023 – they have given me the confidence to pursue even more dreams.

I imagine it as a Garden of Dreams – I start with putting little pebbles to make the pavement, then plant different flowers and trees. The little things build up to make my Garden of Dreams. So the most important thing to do is putting the first pebble in , then planting the first flower or tree, and continue to let them grow and make them beautiful.

As in any endeavours, planting a Garden of Dreams takes a time and effort. It takes time to plant and grow the trees and flower for the garden, but the journey is definitely worth it.

One thing I realise is that: we have to believe in ourselves to start this garden. We believe in who we are, and more importantly, who God says we are. Our divine dreams come from God. He uses our dream to bless us abundantly and to grant us exponential growth. In the pursuit of it, we can find our new higher-level identify, and grow in confidence in who we are and what we are capable of, through the power of God working in our lives.

The pursuit of our dreams also influence and inspire others too. I went to Singapore last weekend, and shared with a friend about pursuing dreams. I pray that she too will be inspired to pursue her dreams. That both of us can leave a legacy of Garden of Dreams for our daughters. I have decided that I will describe myself as a 50s Dreamer, because it is never too late to dream and to start my Garden of Dreams!

The Privilege of Treating Myself

In Gretchen Rubin’s book, Better than Before, she talked about treats:

If I give more to myself, I can ask more from myself.

In the world of fairness, that sounds absolutely fair!!! Haha!! The idea that I can give more, ask more and eventually, be more and have more – it is such an awesome idea!

When we don’t get any treats, we feel depleted, resentful, and angry, and justified in self-indulgence. We start to crave comfort – and we’ll grab that comfort wherever we can, even if it means breaking good habits.

So the opposite is true – when we constantly deprive ourselves, we end up rebelling and doing things that we know are not good for us. The little kid in us wants to throw a tantrum and get what we want, regardless of its consequences. And we eventually give up our good habits.

But it’s important for obligers to have treats. They’re susceptible to burnout, self-deprivation, or too much work for benefit of others, may lead them to feel resentful, neglected or deprived

As an obliger, this is so true for me. I am in the habit of always thinking of ways to make others happy – that I would do whatever I can to make it happen, within my power to do so. And sometimes, I end up feeling depleted. By giving myself a treat, I feel I am “deserving” and hence, will be more willing to continue my habit of meeting expectations, mine and others. The privilege of treating myself gives me the license to ask more from me. It is such a win-win situation – I get a treat and I get to be more!

Here’s a short list of my treats: a nice cuppa Earl Grey tea or hot chocolate at a fancy cafe, reading Agatha Christie’s book, eating beef steak and dark chocolate (maybe not together), walking at a beach, watching the rain fall, explore and travel, etc.

So. What’s your list of treats? Go treat yourself today!

We Don’t Always Know the Impact of Our Actions

Last Saturday, I attended a World Vision event to promote the “1000 Girls – She Matters” event. I was very touched by Yaru from Cambodia who courageously and eloquently shared her story of how her life changed through joining World Vision. And not just her life, but her community in Cambodia as well.

When I donate to charity organizations and churches, I seldom see the direct impact of my donations. Yaru’s story gave me an insight of a charitable organization’s impact to the community that they are committed to serve.

I realize that: a small single action can have rippling effects to larger communities. I decided to pledge my donation of RM65 per month to sponsor a child in World Vision – it is a personal and effective way to empower a child and her family as well as the community – and to break the chain of abuse, ignorance, oppression and poverty.

My bigger realization is that – we don’t always know the impact of our actions – that our impact to people around us are more significant that we think or assume. In our families, our actions and decisions model for our children our values and hopes for them. At work, our actions affect our company’s performance. In our social circle, our interactions with our friends reveal our care and concern for them. In our social media, our comments and likes make another person’s day. In a strange place, our warm smile brightens another person’s mood. Anywhere and anytime, a kind word or action always brings hope and joy to another person. Whenever there is an opportunity to say something nice to another person, say it sincerely with a smile. Whenever there is an opportunity to help another person or to show kindness, don’t ponder about it – just do it.

One thing we know: all our actions do impact others and we can effect a positive change to make the world a better place to live in.

Side Note: The event was hosted by Freda Liu, who has been an advocate for World Vision for many years. I’ve often heard her voice on the radio ages ago, and I was so thrilled to meet her in real life. She is so lovely!!!

Always Seek to be Better Than Before

I am currently reading Gretchen Rubin’s book called ‘Better Than Before – Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives’. In the book, she started with knowing yourself by your tendency, which she identified below:

1. UPHOLDERS respond readily to both outer and inner expectations
2. QUESTIONERS question all expectations, and will meet an expectation only if they believe it's justified
3. OBLIGERS respond readily to outer expectations but struggle to meet inner expectations
4. REBELS resist all expectations, outer and inner

Wow! I realize I am an Obliger – I am habitually doing things for people and what I believe they expect from me, and more. But I lack the same conviction to keep the promises I made to myself.

Obligers often dislike their tendency. They’re vexed by the fact that they can meet others’ expectations, but not their expectations for themselves

I was screaming in my head, YES! This is so true! I am totally frustrated when I fail to meet my own expectations.

The happiest and most successful people are those who have figured out ways to exploit their tendency to their benefit and just as important, found ways to counterbalance its limitations

This is what I have learnt and my actions taken so far:

  • I need external expectation to push me – that’s why I had publicly announced in my blog that I would post every Monday – and this has worked well starting this year 2024
  • I need an accountability partner – and I found one who keeps me accountable for my weekly blog posts and even give me great feedback on my posts
  • I need to do scheduling – I have setup an paid app called NotePlan and I am starting to do time blocking for my projects and daily tasks
  • I need to abstain from social media on my phone – after many failed attempts to curb my social media scrolling, I finally deleted both Facebook and Instagram apps on my phone last week (I can still access them through their websites but not so convenient)

Finding out my Obliger tendency has opened my eyes to understand why I fail badly without external expectations and how I can overcome it. I am glad that I am working toward becoming ‘Better Than Before’. Do check out the book and find out which tendency you are!