Month: July 2024

Wax On, Wax Off – Trust in the Process

This famous saying, “Wax on, wax off” was based on the 1984 Karate Kid movie, where Miyagi-san was teaching Daniel-san karate through waxing the car, washing the floor, and painting the fence. Miyagi-san’s part was to teach, and Daniel-san’s part was to learn, without question. And while doing it, “Breath – don’t forget to breath, very important!”, reminded Miyagi-san.

Daniel-san grew impatient and became suspicious that Miyagi-san was using him for child labour. He wanted to quit because he didn’t see the result that he wanted and the way he expected it. Later he realised that the unusual training from Miyagi-san formed the strong foundation of his karate training, even though he couldn’t see it at first.

It is very similar in our lives. We see so many things we need to do, and sometimes we do them willingly or obligingly or grudgingly; other times, we quit. Sometimes, in our young foolish mind, we don’t see the benefit of studying hard for a good education. In our work, we don’t see that our jobs are stepping stones to a higher career path. In our health, we don’t see how our eating and sleeping habits greatly affect our health, until one or two decades later. We prefer instant results.

In our faith, we don’t see the hand of God working in our lives for our good, especially when we are going thought terrible trials. We don’t realise that God takes our failures and turn them into something good. A blessing in disguise. Many times, God uses our pain to grow us to be more compassionate and to help others in need.

When Miyagi-san instructed Daniel-san to practice without questioning, he is asking Daniel-san to trust him. Similarly, God is asking us to put our trust in Him. When Miyagi-san reminded Daniel-san to breathe, God is reminding us to pray.

Just as Daniel-san couldn’t see the purpose of doing the wax on and wax off – we don’t always see God’s hand in the mundane or tragic events in our lives. Only in trusting God that we can eventually see God’s amazing plan when He reveals it to us.

So, continue to wax on, wax off!!! Have fun and enjoy the process!

Planting A Garden of Dreams

Once I have overcome my fear of dreaming, I found that having and pursuing my dreams are definitely scary and yet so exciting. Since starting my blog in 2019 then publishing my journals in 2022 and then in Amazon Kindle in 2023 – they have given me the confidence to pursue even more dreams.

I imagine it as a Garden of Dreams – I start with putting little pebbles to make the pavement, then plant different flowers and trees. The little things build up to make my Garden of Dreams. So the most important thing to do is putting the first pebble in , then planting the first flower or tree, and continue to let them grow and make them beautiful.

As in any endeavours, planting a Garden of Dreams takes a time and effort. It takes time to plant and grow the trees and flower for the garden, but the journey is definitely worth it.

One thing I realise is that: we have to believe in ourselves to start this garden. We believe in who we are, and more importantly, who God says we are. Our divine dreams come from God. He uses our dream to bless us abundantly and to grant us exponential growth. In the pursuit of it, we can find our new higher-level identify, and grow in confidence in who we are and what we are capable of, through the power of God working in our lives.

The pursuit of our dreams also influence and inspire others too. I went to Singapore last weekend, and shared with a friend about pursuing dreams. I pray that she too will be inspired to pursue her dreams. That both of us can leave a legacy of Garden of Dreams for our daughters. I have decided that I will describe myself as a 50s Dreamer, because it is never too late to dream and to start my Garden of Dreams!

The Privilege of Treating Myself

In Gretchen Rubin’s book, Better than Before, she talked about treats:

If I give more to myself, I can ask more from myself.

In the world of fairness, that sounds absolutely fair!!! Haha!! The idea that I can give more, ask more and eventually, be more and have more – it is such an awesome idea!

When we don’t get any treats, we feel depleted, resentful, and angry, and justified in self-indulgence. We start to crave comfort – and we’ll grab that comfort wherever we can, even if it means breaking good habits.

So the opposite is true – when we constantly deprive ourselves, we end up rebelling and doing things that we know are not good for us. The little kid in us wants to throw a tantrum and get what we want, regardless of its consequences. And we eventually give up our good habits.

But it’s important for obligers to have treats. They’re susceptible to burnout, self-deprivation, or too much work for benefit of others, may lead them to feel resentful, neglected or deprived

As an obliger, this is so true for me. I am in the habit of always thinking of ways to make others happy – that I would do whatever I can to make it happen, within my power to do so. And sometimes, I end up feeling depleted. By giving myself a treat, I feel I am “deserving” and hence, will be more willing to continue my habit of meeting expectations, mine and others. The privilege of treating myself gives me the license to ask more from me. It is such a win-win situation – I get a treat and I get to be more!

Here’s a short list of my treats: a nice cuppa Earl Grey tea or hot chocolate at a fancy cafe, reading Agatha Christie’s book, eating beef steak and dark chocolate (maybe not together), walking at a beach, watching the rain fall, explore and travel, etc.

So. What’s your list of treats? Go treat yourself today!

We Don’t Always Know the Impact of Our Actions

Last Saturday, I attended a World Vision event to promote the “1000 Girls – She Matters” event. I was very touched by Yaru from Cambodia who courageously and eloquently shared her story of how her life changed through joining World Vision. And not just her life, but her community in Cambodia as well.

When I donate to charity organizations and churches, I seldom see the direct impact of my donations. Yaru’s story gave me an insight of a charitable organization’s impact to the community that they are committed to serve.

I realize that: a small single action can have rippling effects to larger communities. I decided to pledge my donation of RM65 per month to sponsor a child in World Vision – it is a personal and effective way to empower a child and her family as well as the community – and to break the chain of abuse, ignorance, oppression and poverty.

My bigger realization is that – we don’t always know the impact of our actions – that our impact to people around us are more significant that we think or assume. In our families, our actions and decisions model for our children our values and hopes for them. At work, our actions affect our company’s performance. In our social circle, our interactions with our friends reveal our care and concern for them. In our social media, our comments and likes make another person’s day. In a strange place, our warm smile brightens another person’s mood. Anywhere and anytime, a kind word or action always brings hope and joy to another person. Whenever there is an opportunity to say something nice to another person, say it sincerely with a smile. Whenever there is an opportunity to help another person or to show kindness, don’t ponder about it – just do it.

One thing we know: all our actions do impact others and we can effect a positive change to make the world a better place to live in.

Side Note: The event was hosted by Freda Liu, who has been an advocate for World Vision for many years. I’ve often heard her voice on the radio ages ago, and I was so thrilled to meet her in real life. She is so lovely!!!

Always Seek to be Better Than Before

I am currently reading Gretchen Rubin’s book called ‘Better Than Before – Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives’. In the book, she started with knowing yourself by your tendency, which she identified below:

1. UPHOLDERS respond readily to both outer and inner expectations
2. QUESTIONERS question all expectations, and will meet an expectation only if they believe it's justified
3. OBLIGERS respond readily to outer expectations but struggle to meet inner expectations
4. REBELS resist all expectations, outer and inner

Wow! I realize I am an Obliger – I am habitually doing things for people and what I believe they expect from me, and more. But I lack the same conviction to keep the promises I made to myself.

Obligers often dislike their tendency. They’re vexed by the fact that they can meet others’ expectations, but not their expectations for themselves

I was screaming in my head, YES! This is so true! I am totally frustrated when I fail to meet my own expectations.

The happiest and most successful people are those who have figured out ways to exploit their tendency to their benefit and just as important, found ways to counterbalance its limitations

This is what I have learnt and my actions taken so far:

  • I need external expectation to push me – that’s why I had publicly announced in my blog that I would post every Monday – and this has worked well starting this year 2024
  • I need an accountability partner – and I found one who keeps me accountable for my weekly blog posts and even give me great feedback on my posts
  • I need to do scheduling – I have setup an paid app called NotePlan and I am starting to do time blocking for my projects and daily tasks
  • I need to abstain from social media on my phone – after many failed attempts to curb my social media scrolling, I finally deleted both Facebook and Instagram apps on my phone last week (I can still access them through their websites but not so convenient)

Finding out my Obliger tendency has opened my eyes to understand why I fail badly without external expectations and how I can overcome it. I am glad that I am working toward becoming ‘Better Than Before’. Do check out the book and find out which tendency you are!