Month: June 2024

To Be A Star In My Movie

I have just finished Ali Abdaal’s first book, ‘Feel-Good Productivity’. I enjoyed reading it and learning the importance of “feeling good” to motivate me to do what matters most to me.

I realise that trying to motivate myself by pushing myself, and feeling guilt ridden when I failed to do what I promised myself – all these negative feelings did not bring the desired result of getting what I want done. The book’s Part 1 was about using play, power and people to energise us to do what we want to do. And one of the ways was to choose a character to make it fun and having daily quest to achieve your goal. Later in the book, he mentioned how Beyonce has a persona called Sasha Fierce that she could channel on stage to become more confident, more powerful and free from inhibitions.

I really like this idea of a persona as I am an introvert, and usually don’t like too much attention. But with a “persona”, I can be free from my shyness, be daring and bold. In fact, I CAN BE A STAR!!! If you’re laughing, that’s great, as I am laughing my head off too!!!

Let’s have a little fun imagining ourselves as a “STAR”. Perhaps you don’t see yourself as a star yet – I certainly did not – but just let your imagination run wild for a minute! Picture yourself as a star – in a star-studded event, or walking on the red carpet, or on a bright stage with a spotlight on you, or on a podium – and immerse yourself in the thrill of being a star..!!!

The truth is: we are the star in the movie of our lives. Sometimes, we direct our lives, but more often than not, our lives are directed by others (in our family or work/business). However, we play the leading role in our movie, so let us shine brightly as a STAR!

Emotions are like children in the car

I watched an interesting Instagram reel by mightypursuit where they sit down with Dr Arianna Brandolini on the topic of emotions:

Emotions are like children. You don’t want them driving the car because they will crash it. You don’t want to shove them in the trunk because they might die. You want them in the back seat where they can be seen and heard and attended to but they are not in control of anything.

As a child, I was confused about my emotions and I tend to hid them. I had the belief that being emotional is a sign of weakness, and if not controlled, emotions can cause havoc . So I learnt to be analytical and logical, as they are based on facts.

And to me, processing emotions is literally just allowing yourself to feel them. And if you look at research, emotions don’t last very long. Emotions are like waves, if you let them happen, they will move through you. … it’s allowing the emotions to happen without suppressing it, without trying to change it, without trying to ignore it, and maybe without trying to indulge it too much.

For a long time, I suppressed my emotions, until they burst out in rage. I could barely recognise myself in those times. I found out that I can’t suppressed just the bad emotions without becoming cold and unfeeling to other positive emotions. It was only in later years that I understood God made emotions for us to feel them. It is what makes us human.

I let myself cry when I am upset or heartbroken. I let myself go through the range of negative emotions of sadness, grief, disappointments, rejection, shame, guilt, anger, embarrassment, betrayal, etc. The emotions, like waves, will move through and move on, sometimes quickly, but oftentimes, much longer than I cared for.

I find out that going through the dark valley of emotions, heightens the big and small peaks of positive emotions like love and joy, hope and peace, enjoyment and optimism, inspiration and motivation, and most of all, gratitude.

All these emotions give meaning to our lives. Even in the darkest hours – when our emotions overwhelm us – we know that we can overcome them to become stronger and then, we learn to be more compassionate.

It’s better to disappoint others than to disappoint yourself

In my last week’s post, I talked about keeping promises to myself. Connected to this topic, is the concept of not letting myself down.

Excellence is more than meeting other people’s expectations. It’s also about living up to your own standards. After all, it’s impossible to please everyone. The question is whether you’re letting down the right people. It’s better to disappoint others than to disappoint yourself – Hidden Potential by Adam Grant

When I was young, I studied hard in school to please my parents, who believed that getting good grades + obtaining a degree was the ticket to getting a good job. I grew up as a “good girl”, even to the point of being a nerd in school, which many of my friends now find it hard to believe.

I realise it is truly impossible to please everyone. I found out that the sacrifices I make trying to please everyone eventually stripped me of my identify, my dreams and my hopes. So I decided I will stop letting myself down, but to allow myself to grow in strength and courage, beauty and grace, hope and love. To become the best version of myself as I journey through my path of self-discovery, and always reaching for my higher self.

In life, we will always let some people down, even though we tend to try our best not to let anyone down. We must decide who are the ones we will let down in different circumstances. Nevertheless, let us be more intentional in not letting ourselves down but to value ourselves more. And to set a higher standard for ourselves and what we want from our lives, so that we can soar higher in the sky!

Keeping Promises to Yourself to Boost Your Self-Confidence

One of the ways we can grow in our self-confidence is by keeping promises we make to ourselves. However, we tend to break our promises! We tell ourselves we want to go to the gym or go for a walk tomorrow, but we become lazy or tired the next morning. We tell ourselves we want to spend less and save more, but we can’t resist the online special offer. We tell ourselves we want to start eating healthy but we end up having too many cheat days. I am so guilty of them!

When it comes to our own promises, we tend to justify breaking or ignoring them. Why? Because it is so easy to get away with it, especially if you don’t tell anyone about it. Or we just procrastinate and make new promises to do it tomorrow…!

What we don’t realise is that we start losing confidence in ourselves when we keep on breaking our promises. Subconsciously, we know that we can’t trust ourselves to keep our promises. This will subsequently erode our self-confidence.

Two years ago in 2022, I decided that my Word of the Year was Integrity. Personally, that meant that I would do what said I would do. Hence, I decided to write my book, which I had said I wanted to do for many years. I not only wrote my first journal book on Nehemiah, but published it in 52 days (as Nehemiah rebuilt the walls of Jerusalem in 52 days)! Keeping that promise to myself really boosted my self-confidence in what I am capable of doing, and what miracle God can do in my life when I trust in Him.

What are the many promises you make to yourself? What are the excuses or justifications you make when you fail to keep those promises? Please realise the impact it has on your self-confidence. My challenge to you is to make a list of the promises you have been making to yourself, and schedule to work on them every month.

As you keep your promises, you will boost your self-confidence and have a sense of integrity for keeping your word. As a parent, you can be a good role model for your children to always keep their promises too.