The Opposite of Addiction is Connection

I was intrigued by this idea by Johann Hari, in his TED Talk, ‘Everything you think you know about addiction’.

The opposite of addiction is not sobriety.

The opposite of addiction is connection.

  • Johann Hari, TED Global London, June 2015

He talked about the experiment done on rats in empty cages, with two bottles of water, one plain water and the other drug water. The rat always chose the drug water and eventually died. A Professor Alexander changed the environment to a Rat Park, where the rats were well fed and played with other rats. They almost never touched the drug water, and lived happily ever after. And he asked the question: What if addiction is an adaptation to your environment?

Another professor wanted to call it bonding instead of addiction. We are created to bond with each other. If we’re unable to bond with people, due to trauma or other issues, we might bond with things like drugs, pornography, gambling, social media, etc.

Social media feels like connection, right? Maybe some of us connected to childhood friends through Facebook. We feel connected to our friends as we watch what’s happening in their lives through social media. Yet, I’ve read that our current society is more lonely than ever before! Social media can never replace the real connection of meeting face-to-face with conversations and laughter (or tears) over a meal. Social media can’t replace the deep connection which is fostered as we see our friends weather through the storms in their lives.

We’ve got bonds and connections that you want to be present for. You’ve got work you love. You’ve got people you love. You’ve got healthy relationships. And a core part of addiction, I came to think, and I believe the evidence suggests, is about not being able to bear to be present in your life.

  • Johann Hari, TED Global London, June 2015

The connection we long for – in whatever we are addicted to, be it social media or drugs – is the connection of love and acceptance. We seek that connection of one human being with another, in a safe and loving relationship. Let us create a world of real connection and deep bonding of caring and loving unconditionally, and of supporting each other in our struggles.

What A Weekend Down With Flu Taught Me

I was down with flu last weekend – running and blocked nose, throbbing headache, and coughing. It was enough to bring me down – weak and lying in bed – cancelling all my weekend activities.

When I was young, I shuddered at the thought of how one’s life can change in a split second, for example, how Christopher Reeve was paralysed from the neck down due to a horse-riding accident. A famous celebrity who played Superman was not immune to life-shattering accidents? This really struck me!

Reading about Christopher Reeve, he became an inspiration through his research, advancement and building a foundation to help quadriplegics. He even had a directing debut and returned to the screen for a short time. He became a different “Superman” for us.

It is my faith in God that brings meaning to the sufferings in this world, as Jesus had come to suffer an excruciating death to die for our sins. Sin, death and suffering came through the original sin of Adam and Eve, but Jesus came to redeem us and grant us fullness of life. I do not understand many of the sufferings of the world, especially diseases and wars, and I don’t think I ever will. I do know suffering has its purpose of gaining a different perspective, and helping us to be more compassionate. And I know that God is with me through the trials and storms in my life. He longs for me to turn to Him for safely and protection, comfort and consolation, guidance and leadership, hope and inspiration, and mostly importantly, love and grace.

What I realise is that life is fragile. Do not take for granted what we have today – especially our loved ones and our health – they are the ones that we tend to ignore most of the time. Treasure our loved ones and take good care of our health. Before it is too late.

Chasing Who I Am in 10 Years

Recently, I heard Matthew McConaughey speech:

They are three things to my account that I need each day. One of them is something I look up to, another is something to look forward to, and another is someone to chase.

Someone To Look Up To

The something he looks up to is GOD. He thanked God for his blessings – how amazing that is! I too believe that God is someone I look up to and give thanks to everyday. I am who I am today because of God’s amazing love and grace.

Someone To Look Forward To

The something he looks forward to is his family – how wonderful that is! To always look forward to his loving family is such a blessing. We must never take granted our family and friends, who have supported and love us.

Someone To Chase

The person to chase? That’s him in 10 years time! He is constantly chasing the person he will be 10 years away. He knows he is not going to attain that, and it’s fine with him because it keeps him with somebody to keep on chasing.

I love this concept of imagining my future self and chasing after my own hero. I get to envision the best version of myself in 10 years time, and keep on chasing after my awesome Future Self. It is a moving target of chasing the best version of who I can be in the future. I can play my own hero in my story, writing the adventures of my life!

I want more from my life because I know I can be more – that I can contribute more to the world. There is a purpose of who I am – to do something that I was meant to do, that only I can contribute to in this world. It is the unique contribution of my Future Self that I am pursuing – whether it is in one year or ten years’ time!

Overcome Feelings of Being Stuck

After starting a project, we sometimes go through a phase of feeling stuck, where we don’t feel like we are making much progress, or not making progress fast enough. What I would call: an annoying plateau.

One of the ways of overcoming this feeling of being stuck is to have a sense of progress, however small the progress. Maybe write one sentence for your book, or one line of code for your program, or one small social media post to say ‘Hi World’, a 3-minute exercise, or reading or researching on your topic, or making connection with someone who might be related to your project.

Just do anything – the smallest action – to gain a sense of progress, especially when you don’t feel like it. Make the action so small that you can’t not do it.

The strongest known force in daily motivation is a sense of progress – Hidden Potential by Adam Grant

I believe what is most important is not to get stuck for too long, as the longer we are stuck, the harder it is to get unstuck! I like the idea that I read somewhere – not to miss your daily action task for two or three consecutive days. Quickly get back on track as soon as possible, even with a small action to get that sense of progress. For example, if your project to lose weight requires you to exercise 20 minutes a day, just do a 3-minute exercise to keep the momentum and have a sense of progress, instead of having a total loss of one day. I always tell myself: 3 minutes is still better than 0 minute.

The secret to overcome the feeling of being stuck is by having a sense of progress, however small the progress is. A progress is still a progress, however small or big.